potential issues with adoption reunion
|September 21, 2010||Posted by simply stephen under adoption|
There are a variety of issues that can occur during an adoption reunion or search. Very few people are rejected outright but this is everyone’s greatest fear. Sometimes it is the very thing that keeps people from ever pursuing a family member search.
Rejection may occur because of present relationships or trauma. There may even be anger. This could happen years later and is often the result of resentment and different lifestyles.
In my recent journey to visit with my birth family (whom I have know for 15 years),our differences caused rifts. Anger was certainly expressed by both parties, but a lot of love, caring and kindness also took place. These are not unsurmountable but certainly both parties are feeling pain and rejection. I will keep my heart open to move forward and apologize for my role in whatever issues we had.
Forgiveness instead of hatred is always the best path.
Preparing yourself for rejection should not be overlooked. If you are rejected, counseling and family support is highly recommended. Don’t be stoic. Help will heal you faster.
Sometimes you will only get a partial rejection. For instance you may meet other family members that are very anxious to have you in their lives. Or vice versa. The rejection may only be for a period of time while an adjustment takes place.
There are many outcomes from a reunion. As your normal life takes over some of these things will occur. Know that it is likely that you can rebuild a relationship like with any relationship, if you are willing to put the effort in. This may not always be the case but the chances increase with the greater effort. It takes effort from both parties.
After the emotions have worn off, or if they remain too tense for a long time, one or both members may not be able to handle it. Other parts of life may be a precedent for the moment. It is possible to renew at another time. Sometimes this will not occur. After a while you may in fact drift apart or the whole thing may be too overwhelming. At this point, casual or no contact may be prudent but don’t give up and never let anger take over.
Balance life with existing ties and new bonds may be quite a juggle. Keep practicing and respect each other and your boundaries. It is recommended not to test the relationship, something that healthy, confident people shouldn’t need to do. There will be a lot of emotion and maybe even time that has happened for the whole adoption search process.
Pace yourself. Rome wasn’t built in a day and nor will your relationship.