the stages of divorce or break up

simply stephen / November 24, 2009

In the spirit of keeping things simple there are 3 stages to a divorce or break up – before, during and after.

Each stage has it’s own set of problems and solutions and the time varies depending on the willingness of both parties to take a pragmatic approach and reduce the emotional trauma and melodrama. Not always an easy thing to do when emotions are involved but we will discuss the emotional aspects in a future article.

before – reasons & decisions

Many things happen during a marriage. The events that lead up to a divorce could be quite traumatic. Some are avoidable and could have a resolve, while others are quite serious and need to be addressed.

  • reasons
  • finding your resources and pillars of support
  • taking the plunge & making the decision
  • addressing your spouse

during – changes & actions

This is the part that goes up and down – it the stage of action and reaction. A sense of relief, grief, anger and emotion is always in play. Things need to be done and adjustments made.

  • determine responsibilities – for children and each other
  • change in physical location
  • legal proceedings – start to finish
  • emotional adjustments and learning to cope
  • rebuilding and managing life

after – acceptance and moving on

Now the road is a little less rocky. It’s time to get on with your life and climb new mountains. The time it takes for some people is tremendously quick, while others take years to get to this stage. That is usually up to you and how much help, support and action you decide to take to move on with life.

  • acceptance, forgiveness and emotional mastery
  • activities and interests – creating your new way of life
  • relationships and connection
  • responsibilities and duties

That’s it in a nutshell. Why complicate it? If you can address each of these stages effectively, your chance of having a smooth transition is greatly increased. You can expect a little bit of pain and emotion during the ride but change of any kind brings on anxiety, stress and fear.

Learning to cope with your stress and move on will help you build a new life, one that you deserve. We will discuss the emotional stages and offer some tools, resources and tasks to help you through it all. We will also go into a little more depth for each stage of divorce.

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