when people don’t like your introverted talking style

simply stephen / June 14, 2012

I often find people get irritated with my style of speech.

As an extreme introvert (and now that I live off grid in the woods), I don’t talk to people that often. When I do, sometimes I actually rant, rave and go off on tangents to get to my point.

I think it’s because I am getting it all out of my system and many extroverts don’t like waiting for me to finish my point, so they interrupt me. In turn, I often interrupt back and they scream “let me finish”, which is exactly how I feel but I think they are being rude.

I prefer to express myself through writing. It gives me a chance to pause and reflect.

There have been many times I watch people frustrated with talking with me.

I know they are thinking I’m strange. Boring. Off topic. Too deep…and so on.

The problem is, without these deep and long conversations, they will never be able to connect with me on a level needed to earn friendship and trust. That takes time, patience and energy.

I also have a very obscure learning style but I’ll save that for another time.

On the flip side, I’m very well versed in the human condition and as an INFJ character can feel exactly what people are thinking even though they don’t say it. I’m good at reading between the lines and actually sense the tension or pleasure. This can be overwhelming for me since I always know how one feels about me.

Put simply, I frustrate people.

I’m so different, it confuses them and they insist I need fixing. In actual fact, I don’t.

They just want the world to be more like them and frankly, I’m tired of intolerant extroverts.

So, the result is a cautious approach to social interaction.

Each time someone is upset with me, I take an inventory and try to assess what style people will adapt best to. I also become more cautious and less social. In part, this is not a bad thing as long as you take each interaction as a learning experience.

How do you deal with people when they clearly don’t respect how you are?

4 thoughts on “when people don’t like your introverted talking style

  1. Yes, to the extrovert mind, the introverts need “fixing” and, of course, they know just how to it…..been there…SO been there. Thankfully, being an INFJ also means that I am good at noticing and categorizing things. This gives me (us) the ability to discuss many different topics and redirect any threatening communications elsewhere.

    Quite often, I go into situations with my “shields on full” so to speak. I am ready to at least internally defend myself. Recently, I have also been more apt to defend myself verbally…which is a huge step for me. People find me frustrating because I require thought to get to know and also because I do not fit into their neat little boxes. If they only know that I found them as irritating as they find me.

  2. Hey Drew,

    Living off grid means I only get Interent a couple of times a week so I’m not as quick at catching these comments. Thanks for the response.

    “being an INFJ also means that I’m good at noticing and categorizing things”

    An astute comment many would ignore. Because some people are incapable of gathering details and making deductions or are oblivious to their surroundings, they assume and INFJ is too. I have yet to become completely versed at deflecting a conversation but will attempt to in the future. A good tip.

    I wear the passion part of my INFJ on my sleeve, so I’m very outspoken and sometimes defensive of my beliefs and philosophies. Perhaps this is seen as a threat. Perhaps deep connection scares many an extrovert or perhaps they just need to fill the gap with any sub standard connection.

    And yes…extroverts can be very irritating but maybe they just don’t care. I’d like to think with effort, a common ground and connection can be achieved between the two and have friendships to prove it. Introverts have spent thousands of hours trying to understand extroverts. It’s time for the effort to be bi-directional.

  3. You know I have just recently found out I am not crazy thanks to articles like this. Thank you. I should reword that, I now have proof to my family that I am not crazy,I just need to not be around them that much. I have huge in law problems because I believe the women in my family are all introverts, I also believe every person in his family are extroverts. I really don’t hate hours family,i like them fine. They on the other hand believe I think I am better than them, which is not true they just try to pull me out of myself so much I actually think about christmas for about a month knowing how horrible out will be. I am a mother of three, and to be honest them and my gourmands are all I need to satisfy myself socially

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